I first read about Al Fox in an LDS church magazine at my parent's house. I was very inspired by her story and could relate to the "judgment" she described because of the person she used to be. If anyone is looking for an example of someone who is truly converted to Christ, Al Fox is THE example.
Although, as I wrote in my profile, I was raised a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I don't come from a family who has been in the church for generations.
My Mom was born in Chihuahua, Chihuahua, Mexico to devout Catholic parents. She had an older brother (he passed away in 2010 from a long fight with Valley Fever Meningitis) and 3 younger sisters. My grandparents brought their family from Mexico to the four corners area when my mom was 6. That is when their family was introduced to the church and my grandparents were baptized. The kids were all baptized as each one reached the age of 8.
My Dad's Dad was raised as a Jehovah's Witness and due to his own personal beliefs growing up in that religion, my dad wasn't raised in any particular religion. He was taught about Christ but didn't know much more than that. When my parents met, my Mom was 16 and my Dad was 17. My mom has always had a testimony of the gospel and shared that with my dad. After meeting with the missionaries and taking the lessons, my dad was baptized as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints when he was 18 years old. They got married 2 years later. I was born 3 years into their marriage and my sister was born 2 years later (I have a brother 6 years younger than me who was called to serve his mission in Sao Paulo Brazil but is serving in Mesa, AZ until his visa comes in, and another brother 8 years younger than me who will be going on a mission before the year is over).
There was a period of time when I was very young and my sister was just born that my mom was taking us to church by herself. While my dad had a testimony of the gospel, it is a hard thing to change a way of life and my mama was such a huge proponent in getting my dad back to church. We were sealed as a family for time and all eternity in the Manti, UT temple when I was 4 years old. I remember a lot about it and it was such a special day to me. I felt like a princess and it is something I have wanted for myself and my family since that day although my actions haven't always showed it.
Growing up in a small town filled with LDS families that go back for generations and generations and everybody is related to everybody made it really easy to feel out of place even, and most of the time, especially in church. To add fuel to the fire, I was a very rebellious teenager with a problem with authority.
I leaned on my parent's testimony of the gospel until I gained my own as I think we all do. While I never questioned whether or not the church was true, my parents had to drag me to church every Sunday, I skipped Sunday school on more than a few occasions, I ditched seminary, and struggled with certain commandments. After I graduated seminary and high school I moved out of my parents house and into an apartment in town and I stopped going to church. I'm sure to say my parents were disappointed would be an understatement, not to mention my Heavenly Father. I am an extremely type A personality. I have to have control, I have to not only have answers to my questions, but in depth, very detailed answers. So, it can be very easy for me to rationalize away any testifying spirit I receive when I wanted to. I was inactive for 6 years and less active for 1 year. I am now the primary teacher for the 8-11 year old girls and have been going to church consistently for over 1 year. Ever since we moved into our house 5 years ago, we've had home teachers, visiting teachers, missionaries, the bishopric, the relief society presidency, and members from the ward come visit us and talk to us. When they come talk to us, I never feel like they're making us feel any kind of judgment, or shame for what we're going through spiritually. I've felt nothing but love from our ward family which has been the biggest help for me getting back to church. All too often we think that we need to do something big or need a miracle to get through to someone but all it really takes is sincerity in what you're doing, love, concern, compassion, and empathy. I asked to have the missionary lessons taught to me since I had been inactive for so long. I wanted to make sure I understood the gospel and I wanted to feel the spirit in my home. After that, I asked the missionaries to come to Family Home Evening with us every week. That has been amazing! We get to know them so well and they become an extension of our family. It helps me to have FHE every week because without them coming I don't think I would've been able to get into the habit. The spirit in our home has completely changed. My marriage has done a 360 as well.
Earlier this evening I was looking at Facebook and came across a blog post from Al Fox titled Mormons and "Tattoos". She wrote:
"The more I did in the Gospel, the more I learned, the more I prayed, the more I read, the more involved I got in my Branch, the more my vision and thoughts and outlook and desires changed. I wasn’t seeking answers to those specific things, but the more I exercised this faith I didn’t know if I had or not, and the more obedient I was, the more I just tried, the more blessed I was from Heavenly Father."
"To those who have uncertainties and questions or doubts, I say, keep going. Keep trying. To those struggling to overcome or change, I say, keep going. Keep trying. Keep praying. Communication with your God, your Father in Heaven is essential. You are always worthy to pray. You are always worthy to turn to Him. You will never be “too far gone” to turn to Him. You will never be too far gone for Him to help you. For Him to heal, and forgive you. Because of that unchanging love He has for you. Because of that unwavering, never weakening, always there, love that He has for personally and individually you. “Tattoos” and all."
"Keep going. Keep trying. Keep praying. Move forward. Teach by example. Focus. Refocus on what matters most in life. Be patient with yourself, and most importantly be proud of yourself. Be proud of the steps, no matter how small they seem to you, that you have taken to become better. Be proud that you are trying even if you aren’t there yet. Be proud and throw out any sliver of discouragement with your efforts, because it is when we try and act that we are blessed. Help is always there. Comfort and healing is always there. Change is always available, because Christ is always there. Because your Father in Heaven is always available to you. Always."
The first part I highlighted is important to me because I struggle with the idea of "faith". I question if the feeling I get is Heavenly Father strengthening my "faith" or my own mind convincing myself that what I think is right. I especially love that she says that it was faith that she didn't know she had or not and yet she still did the things she knew she needed to do. And the more she did they more her faith grew. It is always a great reminder to read or hear that you are always worthy to pray because no matter how many times I hear it, sometimes I still feel like I'm not worthy to pray. Finally, I love that she reminds us to be patient with ourselves and to be proud of what we're doing each day to better ourselves. The point is to be better than we were yesterday. As long as we're making progress, no matter how little, we are successful.
I have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that he atoned for our sins and he understands and has felt all that we go through on a daily basis. I know that through Him and His sacrifice we are able to be forgiven for our sins no matter how big or small. I know that I am a daughter of God and that he loves me and knows me personally. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God in modern times just as Moses, Noah, Abraham, etc. were in ancient times. I know that he translated the gold plates through the power of God and that we have a living prophet on the earth today who can receive revelation on our behalf from God, President Thomas S. Monson. I know that my "tattoos" both physical and spiritual, visible and not can become invisible to God through repentance. I know that families can be sealed for time and all eternity in the Holy Temples and I know that one day I will be able to be with my family forever. I know that as long as I do what I need to do and follow the commandments and be a good example to my children, His children, and teach them what they need to know, He will make sure I am sealed to my family. I don't have all the answers to my questions about things in the gospel but my faith is growing every day and I know that there are some things that we aren't supposed to have answers for right away. Everything is done in God's time and not in ours. I love the gospel and I love that we get another chance every day to be better than we were. I love my Heavenly Father! In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
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